Life can be tough if your preferred mode of transport is a wheelchair. Not only do you need the upper body strength of a gymnast, what do you do if you get your wheel wedged in a drain causing irrepairable damage? The answer: just make your own. It’s always nice to have a back-up, and you could even use it as your main vessel if you’re looking for a bit of a one-of-a-kind fashion statement.
Mighty Morphin’ Wheelchair Rangers
Got yourself a spare garden chair knocking about? Time to take the wheels off your boring, normal wheelchair and fix them to your new, super-cool one. While the mobility device is certainly impressive, given that expert leg trimming that has taken place, what’s best about this contraption is its creators. They band together like a Power Rangers finale, using their brains in unison to mull over their design work in a similar regard to how a scientist may measure the width of an atom. Despite the fact that what they are doing is the equivalent of going into someone’s living room and replacing their La-Z-Boy, which is a reclining bastion of comfort, with a stool. Obviously though, if the stool doesn’t match the colour of your coat, then you’ve got it all wrong and should probably just take a long walk off a short pier.
Who wood have though you could use all this stuff to make a wheelchair?
The idea behind this contraption is that it is the answer to off-road wheelchair use in developing countries where standard, easily accessible wheelchairs don’t cut the mustard as they are designed for use on the city streets of Woking. It’s an admirable endeavour and even made entirely from recycled parts. But if this is the answer to off-road mobility in the developing world, then I’m the Pope’s handmaiden. The designer’s got another thing coming if he thinks a chap without the use of his legs in Somalia will have the resources or know-how to build this impeccable work of construction. All he needs is two bikes, a computer chair, a barn (plus a hack saw and a lot of upper body strength), an industrial-sized wheelbarrow, a tool box and a 2:1 degree in Engineering from the University of Mogadishu.
One way to deck out a wheelchair
Who says beach holidays should be the preserve of the able bodied? Hopefully no one, but at least this homemade deckchair-cum-wheelchair makes the whole process a damn sight easier. With those big ol’ giant doughnuts for support, you’re not going to be wheel spinning when stuck in sand or toppling down any pebbly knolls. Then, with the deckchair seat, you can assume a decidedly horizontal position on the shore, giving you a flawless perspective of both the rolling seas and the endless skies. The cherry on the Bakewell is the umbrella though. Not only does it keep those deathly, mid-afternoon cancer rays off your precious skin, it has a colour scheme to absolutely die for.
It’ll help you when you’re Lego-less
All those hours eight year olds spend playing with Lego in their youth got a little out of hand for proponents of plastic building bricks. A fire engine becomes a Millennium Falcon, which in turn leads to the reconstruction of a Caribbean island, then, before you know it, you’ve built yourself a fully functional motorised Lego wheelchair. As long as you don’t weigh more than a relatively sizeable 90kg, then you can have the mighty privilege and endless entertainment of travelling around at a snail’s pace on a device that is liable to fall apart at any given moment. Whatever next, eh? Oh yeah, a fully functional Lego house.
Less sand wedge, more potato wedge
Keen golfer? Don’t bother splashing out on your own cart, just retrofit an electric scooter with some white piping and a tarp roof and, Bob’s your uncle, you can take pride of place at St Andrews. Given the size of his chap, I feel “sport” is a concept he shies away from. Although he could probably line-up next to Phil “The Power” Taylor (circa 1999) in a darts tournament and not feel too out of place. Yet, I feel that the bin on the back of his DIY golf cart is more likely to be used to put his leftover pizza boxes or store his cheese puffs supplies for those times of need.
If you’re a bit of a speed freak, this is the wheelchair for you. Retrofitted with a 125cc engine ripped right out of a motorbike, this beast can reach 69mph and still do ten miles to the gallon. A bit better than the 7.5mph it could muster before the overhaul. You’ll never have to worry about angry, impatient twits giving you gyp for going slowly edging around the supermarket. Yet, at the same time, the chance of you getting shut up in the slammer for death by dangerous driving will increase somewhat. It’s without a doubt worth the risk, if you get to look like that chap for even a few seconds. He certainly can’t wait to get to his breakfast date, Shreddies in hand.
The bottom line of wheelchairs
I don’t know why no one thought of this before, it’s a bed pan for your wheelchair, a chair pan, if you will. If incontinence is an issue, then this has solved every single one of them, besides the fact that you are, unfortunately, afflicted with slippery bowels. Although where a bed pan opts for subtlety, this mobility device-cum-go-kart wears it purpose proudly on its sleeve, even with a toilet seat as a steering wheel to keep the on-going theme up. The audacious number of loo rolls and cool box cisterns have to be the highlights of this contraption though, and I’d certainly pay good money to see it in a race with the previous 125cc disability scooter.
Steampunk is all the rage at the moment, from computer games and films to clothing and, now it appears, mobility devices. Combining the idea of steam-powered Victorian England with futuristic science fiction fantasy, you get a wheelchair that is both intricate, old fashioned and utterly ludicrous. Built like a dining room throne with an 1875 rocking chair, it does look like a new world of comfort. But I can’t help but feel that anyone who sees you trundling about in your varnished seat, complete with piston and drink dispenser, will immediately think “self important knob”. So if you can deal with that, by all means, hop on.
For all those times you pop to the horse shop and come back with a bloody lame Shetland, you’ll probably want to build yourself one of these wheelchairs so your new pet has eight limbs to bop around on rather than a feeble four. Then, once you’ve given it a good old bolt to the skull, you can just lie down across the supports and get someone to push you down a hill. Close your eyes, raise one arm like a goal scoring Alan Shearer and you might as well be Superman.